family

Besides sitting here and having to deal with a baby crying not stop I can say it has been an emotional plane ride. For tonight I get to see my family again after 2 and half months of not seeing them. Over and over in my head I am practicing how I am going to greet them. Months before when I was so nervous to accept going to YWAM I had a vision of me arriving at an airport and being greeted by my brother and my brother saying I am proud of you, but I had no clue what it meant. Seriously I would go back to my vision every time I tried talking myself out of going to YWAM. Well 2 an a half months later I am arriving in Houston and I get to see my family. I get to see my brother but instead of him greeting me and saying he is proud of me I am privileged to meet him and say I am proud of him. I am blessed to get the chance to see my beautiful sister Abby. I am honored to get to the best parents anyone could ask for. To be honest many times I have taken for granted what God has blessed me with, because I have not looked at everything through God’s eyes. I have been living in Tijuana, Mexico and let me tell you my life could be a lot worse. Down here poverty, oppression, and corruption are prevalent; but at the same time people down here seem happy. Families have found the true meaning of love. Well I am loved by each one of my family members, and I am the proudest brother because I have been impacted by my siblings. I had the privilege last night to tell Caleb what I thought about him and I still feel I did not say enough. I woke up this morning in tears because I am so looking forward to seeing and hugging Abby; I just pray I don’t squeeze her to death. I feel as though my life has been like a huge puzzle and at times I really questioned God because I could not understand why certain things happened. I questioned how he was going to make good out of such disastrous moments. But I can just picture God smiling and saying “ just wait Brian Zimmer, just wait” I picture him standing up and there being a huge puzzle representing my life, and God taking puzzle pieces and putting them back in the right place after many fell down in my life I thought. Only a perfect God could have and continue to show such precision and love in pruning my life. I am just sitting in awe of what my God has done for me and in my life. Everyone I get to see my family!! Maybe I sound out of control but that is ok, because I am so in love with my family. So I challenge whoever reads this to look at their life and the ones they love and just stand in awe of God. Do not try and figure him out but just say “Lord mold me and humble me, Lord you have my life and I trust you.” Now I know it is not always easy because I know there is brokenness in this world, but I know through faith that God will finish the work he started in every one of our lives. Tonight my vision comes true I get to see Caleb Jon Zimmer, a man who’s going to impact a generation but only through God’s grace.

my heart

I am back in the desert. Lets go cave digging Lord. I felt peace this morning and early afternoon, but as soon as I left my room for supper an overwhelming feeling came upon me. I felt overwhelmed all I could do and wanted to do was run into my bed and start pouring out my emotions, and tear after tear came out. For God brought out the true desire and passions of my heart. It is for the adoptive children and minorities of America. It is time that children feel loved and I am tired of people overlooking us. I am tired us having know where to when harmful words or situations arise. I am tired of the cries of the children not being answered. Lord your children must be heard. I am tired of the injustice done in the school systems and,churches, working world, and politics. I am tired of dreams being squandered, because of the fear of man. I say it stops now. I know my God sees and hears the cry of the races. I know he hears our prayers against injustice. We cry out for justice and that we would be answered.Isaiah states "Is this not the fast I choose: to loose the bonds of wickedness, to undo the straps of the yoke, to let the oppressed go free, and to break ever yoke? Is it not to share your bread with hungry and bring the homeless poor into your house; when you see the naked to cover him and to hide yourself from your own flesh? This is my cry and this is the heart of Brian Zimmer. Today I am an overcomer by God's grace. Today I am not a victim. I am a Son of God, I was not a mistake and I was crafted, born, and found by Jesus Christ our King!! "And I heard the voice of the Lord saying "Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?" Then I said "Here am I! send me."

the cave

For 23 years of my life i have felt like very few have related to minorities or me. Yes, many have sympathized and tried to be there for me, but they truly could not explain why i still had so many scars in my heart. I have talked to many great speakers and each one has said brian do this and do that but none truly knew what needed to be done. For the past couple years God has really been restoring my life. He restored my friendship with my family, he blessed me with great jobs, and an amazing girlfriend who i truly love. However, this whole time of being gone i have felt isolation, depression, anger, bitterness, and so on. I never understood why i was feeling these emotions until today. For all my life i had something to run to; to hide my pain. I always found ways to crawl out of what I was feeling and experiencing. These emotions have come back to me harder than ever and during this whole time being gone i felt like God left me. But we serve an amazing God!! These feelings I am experiencing are from the Holy Spirit. I feel as though Jesus is leading me to the desert and saying "Brian it is time" he is leaving me there and he is distancing himself from me, because it is time for me to go down into the cave of darkness that i have been trying to desperately crawl away from. For all the things God has blessed me with in some ways I have used as a drug to find my worth. I always had those things to make me feel good, but those things aren't my identity. Why would God keep giving me more blessings if i am using them as a drug to nurse my wounds? I realized today i am not in YWAM to become a leader, but rather i am in YWAM because here the things that i used to nurse my wounds are no longer available to me. Here i am in the desert but that is where i need to be. Today i someone told me that whenever i am feeling these dreadful moments to embrace them and go deep into why i am feeling these emotions. For at the bottom that is where Jesus will meet me. And when i come back out of the cave i will be refined by God's grace. I must admit i am very scared to do this truly alone for the first time, but i know it will be worth it!! For see i promised two beautiful girls that i would become who i was supposed to be. I promised my sister that i would make her proud, and i told hillary that i want to be the man she deserves. I am doing this because i wanted and want to impact a generation, but not for my glory but for the glory of God. At the top of my lungs i say "glory hallelujah" As i am writing this i still picture the cave like i am in a movie script or something. But i know for once in my life walking into the cave will be worth it. "To God be the glory for the great things he has done"

August 7

Lord i want the eyes of my heart opened.
Lord i want to be made whole each new day
Lord i want to be broken and humbled
I do not want to go another day without feeling your presence
Lord i don't want to be restricted because of my mind
I want to be open-minded
God you made and called me for a purpose
you close and open doors
Lord when i wasn't even looking you were and are moving
before i uttered my first breath; you knew me
when i came into this world you watched me
When i sung my first song you listened to me
when i cried my first tear you comforted me
"When i was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child,. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. FOr now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then i shall know fully, even as i have been fully known." 1 Corinthians 13:11-12
Father i am growing up now
and i want to be used
Father i ask that i might know you more
Father i want to be used
Father i want to be a leader
but not for my own glory but for yours
Father i am tired of running away from conflict
I was given the full armor of Go to move forward
I was given the full armor to be an overcomer and deliverer
I was given the full armor to withstand all the attacks, not just some but all.
I know Lord some attacks will be harder and swifter than others, but Lord
"I can do all things through you who give me strength." Philipians 4:13

psalms 23 through meditation

psalms 23
The Lord is my shepherd; i shall not want( never)
He makes me lie down in green(rest) pastures (peace)
He leads me besides still waters (comfort)
he restores my soul (love, restoration)
He leads in paths of righteousness for his name sake
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
I will fear no evil (nothing can destroy me)
your rod and stuff they comfort me (my shepherd, provider, guidance)
You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies( victorious)
you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows (overwhelming Love)
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me (True faith in God, a promise of freedom)
all the days of my life (renewed each day)
and i shall dwell in the house of the LORD Forever (Eternal promise, heaven)