my time to say goodbye

I have been here for 131 days now in Tijuana, Mexico and I am one day from finishing my DTS lecture/outreach. Looking back i cannot honestly believe i have been gone for such a long time! Over the past 4 1/2 months I have seen God transform my desires and make them into his own. I do not consider myself more of a man but rather someone who has experienced God's work and presence in a new way.

For the past 4 months I have been spending my time in Tijuana, Guadalajara, and Huesteca with a group of people all across the world. Some came from Washington, Michigan, Nevada, Texas, South Dakota, Germany, Costa Rica, and other parts of Mexico. We came for many different reasons and purposes, but the main purpose was to show the kingdom of God. I had the privilege to serve, grow, and worship with some of the finest people anyone could ever meet. We all went through are trials and triumphs and I can say that it has was an honor to stand among them all. My YWAM family taught me more than I could imagine. They taught me that it was ok to show all sides of myself instead of just one. They taught me that no matter what I go through that they were and always will be there for me! For my YWAM family saw the real Brian Scott Zimmer for the first time. Actually I can say they were the ones who helped bring out the real boy and man in me. They did not see color and they did not see my flaws, because they saw a man on a mission to find his identity. Right now I am sitting at the airport reflecting on all that God has done and I can say it truly has been a blessing and I will never forget the wonderful people I met. Writing this I am holding back tears because part of me wishes I will still with them but part of me knows it is time for me to take the next step in my life, but I can say they with the help of God showed me what that next step is. The next step is to proclaim the truth and tell of the justice of God. For I was with some of the strongest people of faith I have ever met. My heart cries out for women to feel perfect and loved. My heart longs for minorities to rise up and believe in themselves. My heart cries out for the abused children of the world to know that they are loved. See I am called to be a leader and a man. Not a man that the world has defined but the man that God has called each one of us to be. I promised my team that I would continue to do what God has called me to do, and I know with God’s grace and provisions I will do that. Our voices cannot be silenced and our souls long for passion and deliverance. My YWAM family taught me that and they will forever be my family. I love you Liz, brock, Alisha, Steph, James, Somer, Jen, Jafed, Juan, Victor, Becks, Amelia, Marco, Monica, Renae, Claudia, and Yvette. I also thank my leaders Omar and Brooke, Sergio and Lorena, and Paloma.



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strength

I have spent the last week up in the mountains with indigenous people, and it was a struggle. I thought it is just another outreach location but I was wrong. For in Huesteca there is not internet and there is no cell phone service. To many it might not be a big deal but to me it was harder than I thought. I found out quickly that I forgot my love for God, and God was interested in bringing me back. Up to this point I have been quite miserable on this DTS. I thought it is different, and I thought I would be used to preach God’s good news. I thought that God would bless me and needed to bless me because I left everything. However, that is not how God works at all. First off God owes me nothing. In fact I owe him my life because of what his Son did for me. I chose to leave everything behind and that was my choice. Actually God calls us to take up our cross and follow him. I had and have the chance to sit back and be comfortable and that be normal in society. But I forgot whose society and whose world this truly is. This kingdom belongs to our Heavenly Father and I had forgotten that for us our called to live as his disciples. By coming here I forgotten that I said God shake me up because I am tired of being comfortable, and well if you ask God something he will do it. While here I thought I be working with youth and be standing behind the pulpit more, but what did God do? Instead he has had us work more with little kids and has allowed me to work more with cleaning and hospitality. See I forgot that my plans are not always what God designs for me! “God says, for his ways our higher than our ways.” I also found myself alone and had my first nervous breakdown since I can remember. I did not understand why I was feeling this and someone here asked me, “whose voice do you desire more to hear in the morning or throughout the day?” At one point it was God’s but lately it has been people most close to me. See the longer I have been in the spiritual desert here I have not gone to Go first but others. To put it simple I had other idols in my life. God was no longer someone I desired and I found myself using this spiritual desert excuse more often. But we serve an all sufficient and all-knowing God. I have a chance until October 23 to get things right with God. Because when I return I want to me the future husband, the strong brother, great friend, and the leader I know God has called me to be. I do not want to take things from people in order for myself to feel great. I am already great because I am created in the perfect image of God. I just read a devotional and realized I cannot become the strong leader I am if I cannot learn to do things on my own and trust solely in God. I mean it is ok to need affirmation but if I were to never be affirmed again by others would God’s word be enough to me? If God were to take everything away from me would I still trust in him and think he is fair and just. Now that is a hard question to task because no one wants things to be ripped away, but we forget we serve a jealous God and God wants to be pursued to! The Bible says we should have no other God’s before him! I do not want God to start taking away things in order to get my attention, but rather I want him to bless the things he has given me because everything belongs to him. Now I ask you what God wants you to lie down. What has become your source of strength? Would you be heartbroken if God asked you to lay it down and submit it? Would you trust that he give you something better and has the best for you? These are the questions I had to ponder and I know they are not easy. But God will never give us anything we cannot handle!

into your hands i commit my spirit

Father, sometimes I just wish I hear you call me your beloved. Today I feel as though getting out of bed is impossible; for my heart feels no peace. Father I know you love me but right now I feel as though nothing will comfort my your child. Must I go through today alone feeling as if I wont experience peace. Father you know that the words I said were true and you know I understand. I understand that I must go through this desert alone, and I will admit I tried running away from the desert. I wanted others to help and save me. I wanted someone to come to my rescue but instead you pulled that away from me. It is like I was holding onto the edge and you came and said let go. Father I let go and I am falling I am falling on my back looking up. I see that cliff and I see the sky, and my question is when will you catch me? Will I harden my heart? Will I push everything I love away? Father right now I feel as though my heart loves nothing anymore. Why must I be stripped everything I love dear? Father I came all the way here can that not be enough. What do you want from me? How long must I sit and ponder this pain and isolation. Father I know you are the refiner and I know you are the potter and I am the clay. Father please rescue me, and please remember my sacrifices and not my iniquities. I am sorry I haven’t always seeked you. I am sorry I am not always aware of your presence. I am sorry that many times I have used others as my way to cope with life. Father you know who I love and you know my future ambitions. But dear heavenly father if those are not your wishes I understand. I understand you want to use me and hold me. Father into your hands I commit my life and spirit.

freedom to speak

Today I felt like I was truly under God’s wings. I pictured myself just holding onto my heavenly father’s hand as he guided me through the day, on our 10 hour drive to Pucheta which is right outside Mexico City. Do you ever have those days were you feel like you are in your own world? Today I just felt romanced By God and the Holy Spirit. I was reading through the book of Matthew today and it was as if I were one of his disciples watching him in awe. I felt like I was witnessing Jesus perform the miracles right in front of my eyes! Jesus once said “we would do greater things than he did”, and it got me thinking to what he meant? As I was reading through Matthew more it made we want to step out of my comfort box and start doing what I was called to do. Jesus commanded us saying “the kingdom of God is at hand. Heal the sick, raise the dead, and cleanse the lepers cast out demons”. He did not say be comfortable and sit back why others do it. When we say we are Christians we are disciples of Jesus Christ himself. We have the same spirit that he has living in him. We are capable of doing the same and yet many times I’ve sit back and watched! I am tired of the devil kicking my butt and I say it is time for our generation to rise up and proclaim victory. I was reading the chapter about how Jesus called his first disciples and they left their nets and fathers and immediately followed Christ. Now I am not saying we all have to go to China or sell everything, but I say wherever we are let’s bring the Kingdom of God to earth. Let’s show the workplaces, the classrooms, and churches what the kingdom of God is not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul, rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell.” Jesus also gives us reassurance when he states “and if anyone does not receive nor listen to your words, shakes off the dust from your feet when you leave that house or town. Truly, I say to you, it will be more bearable on the Day of Judgment for the land of Sodom and Gomorrah than that tow

stepping out

Stepping out of the boat is never easy. I have felt like Peter eager to see what God has for me, but many times to scared to walk on the water. I have been traveling for 3 days now and about to arrive to our first outreach spot in Guadalajara. Three months ago by God’s grace I arrived in Tijuana, Mexico and today I am about to what I’ve wanted to do for a long time. You see on outreach us youth by God’s grace get to minister to a generation, and get to reach the cities of Mexico. I will admit I am anticipating coming home because I miss my family and Hillary very much! But until then I want to go out with a cry of justice. I would dearly appreciate your prayers that God’s will and not my own will prevail, and that I don’t take for granted this amazing opportunity. On this car ride I have been able to reflect upon a lot of what God has done in my life. He took a boy from Albany, Georgia and places me in the hands of my amazing parents Randy and Ann. He led me through discrimination and by his grace showed me that I am not a victim but an overcomer. God rescued me from being a brother who was hurting a brother and sister and bringing me to the point where I would lay down my life for them. I am reminded of March 24, the day my best friend went home to Jesus. During and for years after I counted all lost but now I am able to speak about Jon Mark Bonnema wherever I go. Hillary joy slagter is a girl I met and had a crush on in 5th grade. I wish I could say I was truly there for her but I was not. However 11 years later by God’s perfect timing I am able to say that I am back in her life and like I said before I hope to become her husband. I am saying all this because no matter what you been through or how much life seems hopeless. There is a God in heaven and he will never leave you nor forsake you. He commands us to be strong and take heart in in him. I know this is not always easy and very difficult to do at times but when you come to the breaking point in life, and trust me you will. There will be a loving hand extending to you and God saying “take my hand my child, I am here” I say all this because what I counted lost I now count gain and I will be able to speak about all of God’s provisions throughout my life. I want to say thank you to Randy, Ann, Beth, Caleb, Abby, and Hillary for being patient with me. I want to say thank you to all of those who have been instrumental in my life, and I honor you. I just read a page from the journal Abby wrote. Abby you said go and make you proud and don’t look back. Abby you are my best friend and you know that! I’ll keep my promise to you and whoever I come across I will love them with the same love that you show me, and Abby Jo Zimmer I honor you. God I been reading and saying this for a while now, but to you be the glory for the great things you have done! Now Heavenly father use me to impact Mexico like those in my life have impacted me.

when it is hard to apologize

Lord sometimes apologizing feels painful. Many times I feel like I have to apologize for something I did not even do nor was involved in, but do it because you have asked us to humble ourselves. Father I feel like by doing so nothing gets done. You asked us to love our brother as ourselves, but why Lord? How come we have to love someone who does not even love us back nor treat us with any respect? I know Lord you forgave me for every sin I have committed but Lord I am not you. I am getting tired of having to take the higher road because to me it feels like I am letting one get away for the damage they have caused. There are people every day who face abuse, racism, oppression and nothing gets done. Sometimes I just wish we were the judge, and sometimes I wish people got what they deserve. Being a Christian I know I have to face persecution but sometimes I am just tired of having to turn the other cheek. I wish people would just switch roles and see what it is like to look from the bottom up. I know I might seem irrational but sometimes it just feels good to let it out. I am at the point of not caring anymore. Because the more I try to love the more I end being the bad guy or having to deal with peoples messes. For once I do not want to care about helping people, and rather I just want to be numb. Right now I just want out I am tired of caring for people and I am tired of carrying this weight on my shoulder. I am looking at back at who I used to be and yes something’s I did were dumb and stupid but parts of me misses it. Because part of me was able to block out the world and not care. People might call that selfish and they are right, but people need time to just feel alone and sad. I am tired of having to be this or act like that. I am tired of having to carry a label and act like it should be simple to live life and be happy, but it is not always the case. I am struggling to figure out why I care so much? Or why can’t I go back to what I used to be in certain ways. Because right now I feel as though I was empty back then, what I am going through now is no better ; but discouraging because this time I have God and yet I still feel this way. I even when writing this I know God is here but sometimes I just want to feel him. I just really hate having to forgive it is like the hardest thing to do and I have so much bitterness towards things and I feel like God am not doing justice. I feel as though he is sitting there and just watching as life is getting sucked out of his children. I know God is just, love, and perfect; but it is so hard for me to fathom how a perfect God still allows such crap to go on. I just wish he use his full power and deliver us and bring us home. I mean all he has to do is say Son go and get my children but yet he waits and more people die and suffer. I know that I do not always think this negatively like this but tonight I am. Judge me or think what you want, but I feel as though everyone deserves a chance to let it all out.

i want life

I find myself feeling questioning a lot of things in my life. It is almost like I am looking back at life and wondering what happened? I almost wish i could put a pause button on life and say God wait i am not ready. I find myself going back to situations where I wish i could have done that or done this but it is to late. I do not know why i am looking back, maybe because life seemed so much easier. Maybe because i was oblivious to what was going on. I should be looking forward to new life when I get back, but for some reason I am not. I feel as though i am not ready to start living the life i was blessed with. Maybe because i am scared i will never do what I am called to do, or that i will end up failing the ones I love. Truly i wish i could warn people to never take ones younger years of life for granted. There is so much potential to bear good fruit when one is a youth. I am 23 years old and i am here questioning what have i done to impact lives? What have I done for the kingdom of God? Truthfully i do not know but i know i am still breathing and still have life. I am tired of looking back at what if and I am tired of not taking up my cross daily. I am blessed and have been blessed by many people throughout my life. I've been blessed by young and old, by those living and those who are dancing with Jesus. I have been blessed my mentors, a father and mother. I have been face down weeping to God and I've been standing on the mountainside worshiping my maker. I often forget that when Christ was on the cross bloody and beaten; it was Jesus who still loved me. When people fail,mock, and hurt me; it is Jesus who says "I love you just as you are" and many times I stand there with no emotions at all. This breath i was given is a gift from God, and i want my breath to have life. I want to breathe in the presence of God. I want to be used to breathe life into a generation of impactors and I want to be among those standing at his throne in awe of his power.

almost there

It is my last day in lecture and I am excited. I am sitting next to the calender and I cant believe I have been away from home for almost 3 months. I can say it has been a blur. I can remember some staff, but mostly I am just amazed at how God was there for me through it all. Days i thought I had no more strength God provided. Days I was hurt and angry he comforted me. If I had to do this all over again I wouldn't but I would say God has been my provider and comforter. He's been my shepherd and watcher. He has been my love and romancer. Today I was able to bless someone financially and i found it is truly satisfying to give when it comes from ones heart. God has been wanting to satisfy me for 23 years of my life. It just took going away to Mexico for me to realize it more clearly. Now i cannot say that I am more spiritual, but i can say I have been humbled, broken,distraught. But I also been restored,loved, romanced, and set free!

family

Besides sitting here and having to deal with a baby crying not stop I can say it has been an emotional plane ride. For tonight I get to see my family again after 2 and half months of not seeing them. Over and over in my head I am practicing how I am going to greet them. Months before when I was so nervous to accept going to YWAM I had a vision of me arriving at an airport and being greeted by my brother and my brother saying I am proud of you, but I had no clue what it meant. Seriously I would go back to my vision every time I tried talking myself out of going to YWAM. Well 2 an a half months later I am arriving in Houston and I get to see my family. I get to see my brother but instead of him greeting me and saying he is proud of me I am privileged to meet him and say I am proud of him. I am blessed to get the chance to see my beautiful sister Abby. I am honored to get to the best parents anyone could ask for. To be honest many times I have taken for granted what God has blessed me with, because I have not looked at everything through God’s eyes. I have been living in Tijuana, Mexico and let me tell you my life could be a lot worse. Down here poverty, oppression, and corruption are prevalent; but at the same time people down here seem happy. Families have found the true meaning of love. Well I am loved by each one of my family members, and I am the proudest brother because I have been impacted by my siblings. I had the privilege last night to tell Caleb what I thought about him and I still feel I did not say enough. I woke up this morning in tears because I am so looking forward to seeing and hugging Abby; I just pray I don’t squeeze her to death. I feel as though my life has been like a huge puzzle and at times I really questioned God because I could not understand why certain things happened. I questioned how he was going to make good out of such disastrous moments. But I can just picture God smiling and saying “ just wait Brian Zimmer, just wait” I picture him standing up and there being a huge puzzle representing my life, and God taking puzzle pieces and putting them back in the right place after many fell down in my life I thought. Only a perfect God could have and continue to show such precision and love in pruning my life. I am just sitting in awe of what my God has done for me and in my life. Everyone I get to see my family!! Maybe I sound out of control but that is ok, because I am so in love with my family. So I challenge whoever reads this to look at their life and the ones they love and just stand in awe of God. Do not try and figure him out but just say “Lord mold me and humble me, Lord you have my life and I trust you.” Now I know it is not always easy because I know there is brokenness in this world, but I know through faith that God will finish the work he started in every one of our lives. Tonight my vision comes true I get to see Caleb Jon Zimmer, a man who’s going to impact a generation but only through God’s grace.

my heart

I am back in the desert. Lets go cave digging Lord. I felt peace this morning and early afternoon, but as soon as I left my room for supper an overwhelming feeling came upon me. I felt overwhelmed all I could do and wanted to do was run into my bed and start pouring out my emotions, and tear after tear came out. For God brought out the true desire and passions of my heart. It is for the adoptive children and minorities of America. It is time that children feel loved and I am tired of people overlooking us. I am tired us having know where to when harmful words or situations arise. I am tired of the cries of the children not being answered. Lord your children must be heard. I am tired of the injustice done in the school systems and,churches, working world, and politics. I am tired of dreams being squandered, because of the fear of man. I say it stops now. I know my God sees and hears the cry of the races. I know he hears our prayers against injustice. We cry out for justice and that we would be answered.Isaiah states "Is this not the fast I choose: to loose the bonds of wickedness, to undo the straps of the yoke, to let the oppressed go free, and to break ever yoke? Is it not to share your bread with hungry and bring the homeless poor into your house; when you see the naked to cover him and to hide yourself from your own flesh? This is my cry and this is the heart of Brian Zimmer. Today I am an overcomer by God's grace. Today I am not a victim. I am a Son of God, I was not a mistake and I was crafted, born, and found by Jesus Christ our King!! "And I heard the voice of the Lord saying "Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?" Then I said "Here am I! send me."

the cave

For 23 years of my life i have felt like very few have related to minorities or me. Yes, many have sympathized and tried to be there for me, but they truly could not explain why i still had so many scars in my heart. I have talked to many great speakers and each one has said brian do this and do that but none truly knew what needed to be done. For the past couple years God has really been restoring my life. He restored my friendship with my family, he blessed me with great jobs, and an amazing girlfriend who i truly love. However, this whole time of being gone i have felt isolation, depression, anger, bitterness, and so on. I never understood why i was feeling these emotions until today. For all my life i had something to run to; to hide my pain. I always found ways to crawl out of what I was feeling and experiencing. These emotions have come back to me harder than ever and during this whole time being gone i felt like God left me. But we serve an amazing God!! These feelings I am experiencing are from the Holy Spirit. I feel as though Jesus is leading me to the desert and saying "Brian it is time" he is leaving me there and he is distancing himself from me, because it is time for me to go down into the cave of darkness that i have been trying to desperately crawl away from. For all the things God has blessed me with in some ways I have used as a drug to find my worth. I always had those things to make me feel good, but those things aren't my identity. Why would God keep giving me more blessings if i am using them as a drug to nurse my wounds? I realized today i am not in YWAM to become a leader, but rather i am in YWAM because here the things that i used to nurse my wounds are no longer available to me. Here i am in the desert but that is where i need to be. Today i someone told me that whenever i am feeling these dreadful moments to embrace them and go deep into why i am feeling these emotions. For at the bottom that is where Jesus will meet me. And when i come back out of the cave i will be refined by God's grace. I must admit i am very scared to do this truly alone for the first time, but i know it will be worth it!! For see i promised two beautiful girls that i would become who i was supposed to be. I promised my sister that i would make her proud, and i told hillary that i want to be the man she deserves. I am doing this because i wanted and want to impact a generation, but not for my glory but for the glory of God. At the top of my lungs i say "glory hallelujah" As i am writing this i still picture the cave like i am in a movie script or something. But i know for once in my life walking into the cave will be worth it. "To God be the glory for the great things he has done"

August 7

Lord i want the eyes of my heart opened.
Lord i want to be made whole each new day
Lord i want to be broken and humbled
I do not want to go another day without feeling your presence
Lord i don't want to be restricted because of my mind
I want to be open-minded
God you made and called me for a purpose
you close and open doors
Lord when i wasn't even looking you were and are moving
before i uttered my first breath; you knew me
when i came into this world you watched me
When i sung my first song you listened to me
when i cried my first tear you comforted me
"When i was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child,. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. FOr now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then i shall know fully, even as i have been fully known." 1 Corinthians 13:11-12
Father i am growing up now
and i want to be used
Father i ask that i might know you more
Father i want to be used
Father i want to be a leader
but not for my own glory but for yours
Father i am tired of running away from conflict
I was given the full armor of Go to move forward
I was given the full armor to be an overcomer and deliverer
I was given the full armor to withstand all the attacks, not just some but all.
I know Lord some attacks will be harder and swifter than others, but Lord
"I can do all things through you who give me strength." Philipians 4:13

psalms 23 through meditation

psalms 23
The Lord is my shepherd; i shall not want( never)
He makes me lie down in green(rest) pastures (peace)
He leads me besides still waters (comfort)
he restores my soul (love, restoration)
He leads in paths of righteousness for his name sake
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
I will fear no evil (nothing can destroy me)
your rod and stuff they comfort me (my shepherd, provider, guidance)
You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies( victorious)
you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows (overwhelming Love)
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me (True faith in God, a promise of freedom)
all the days of my life (renewed each day)
and i shall dwell in the house of the LORD Forever (Eternal promise, heaven)

mountain tops or valleys and deserts

i want to be used by God at all times of the day and night. I want to be used to proclaim the goodness and the power of God and the Holy Spirit. I want to tell people there is hope. I was a boy who saw the world as dark and hopeless, I was a boy who awlays saw the cup as half full. BUt i serve a God who sees hope. I am becoming a man who sees a world with a hope. I am becoming a man and sees myself as worthy, and all this is because of God's grace towards my life and me. Looking back at some of my past events during my life, It amazes me what God did, and yet there are still many days i doubt that God will get me through trials and temptations. I am realizing it is very easy to dance at the top of a mountain, but when Jesus returns us to the valley and the desert will we still praise him with a resounding spirit and song?

We had to write down our trials and pains, and then we had to hear what God said and put his words into a song or poem. And so i am going to share them with you. there is three different poems, and the first poem someone here is going to try and turn it into a song! hope you enjoy the poems


My little boy dream dreams with me
Watch me as I love you
As a little babe I made you beautiful
Do not listen to the little things around you
Little babe hear my voice
Little babe what are your dreams?
What are your wishes?
I to have wishes I to have dreams
Little babe oh how I love you
Open your eyes your heavenly daddy is looking
Little babe have no fear I am holding you near
Little babe come near let me whisper in your ear
Hear the sounds of on the streets singing; for peace is near


You are my beloved
And you are mine
You were not rejected
You are being refined
Slow down and play to my rhythm
Slow down and play to my tune
Doesn’t matter what the worlds says, for I love you
Bring freedom
My daddy, my savior, my healer
My daddy, my friend, my companion

Let the kids run, let the kids dream
Let the girls dance, let the girls feel my romance
Let the churches resound in signing
Let the people roam the streets
Things you search for I have they have a key
Here is the key it is my heart
Turn the key and see my heart
I to have heard the cries of the children
I to have seen the teen moms
I to have seen the abusive fathers
I to have seen the empty classrooms
I to have seen the political churches
I to have seen the lost visions
I to have seen the lost dreams
I to have seen the pains and sorrows
I to have seen the tears
I to have seen the empty homes
I to have seen the orphans
I to see the widows
But look up what do you see?
Look up what do you see
That is me you see riding on the cloud
I did not leave, I did not forget
Now hand me the key, now give me your hopes and dreams
I am the restorer, I am the rebuilder
I am the king, I am he
I am Jesus

worship

Worship is not a concept, it is a verb!
Worship brings you into intimacy and relationship.
Worship is not a lifestyle, it is a relationship. In the relationship we pray, we worship in response to his presence, and we give it away.
Worship is not a lifestyle, because many times we do not live out the proper life.
Worship is not music, and music is not worship. If you are breathing then worship is designed for you.
“Follow the Lord where he wants you to go”
“One of the greatest forms of worship, is ones reverence to the Lord”
One can use God’s gifts without knowing him.
Greatest gift God can give us is he!
Worship the Lord, because you remember what he has done.
God I need your wisdom and revelation, we need the Holy Spirit!!
God always calls us to the mountain top, but returns us to the valley. What will you do in the valley?
God’s vision for us is secondary, and I his work in me us is primary!

today

today was another day of restoration and peace. Once again we talked about the love of God and what he has for all of us. Once again i want to continue to walk in confidence. I want to see my sisters marry men of God. I want to see my brother run into opposition and defeat it with God's help. I want my brother to regain his dreams and fulfill them. I want to be made into a great husband and father. I want to go into this world again restored and confident in my calling through God's grace and annointing. I want to sit next to my birth parents and family and show them hillary and tell them of all God has done in my life. I want to show them pictures of my family and how by giving me up God truly blessed me. I want to wait at God's altar and have him just love me.

hello again

Hi everyone, I am back! Sorry i been away from my blog for awhile. It is not because I hate writing, but I lost the my passion and I walked into a spiritual desert! "Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak tenderly her." Hosea 2:14 I found myself forgetting that in all situations give thanks to God, which is not always easy to do. I felt the pressures of being away home and found myself questioning why I am here? But in reality i am here and i must remember that I chose to come here. I chose to take up my cross and follow him. I am sorry to you all for having a pity party for myself, because that is not who i am. I am a work in progress and i would appreciate it if you all would keep me uplifted in your prayers. I could use prayer daily for wisdom, strength, guidance, leadership, and willingness to be shaken.
thank you
love bri

I am about to get real personal. I am about to tell you all the things that cut me deeply over the years. These are not things to get pity for or for people to feel bad. But we are talking about the Father heart of God this week, and these are the lies that the Lord is going to heal and restore me from. We were supposed to write down things that should have never been said to me or anyone. So please be praying for me this week as God shows me how deeply he loves me.

I was told that I would never make it in college
I was told that I am lazy
I was told that I have no potential
I was told that I walk funny
I was told that I am scrawny
Told that I was a “nigger”
Told that I would never be a good parent
Told I would always be a cheater
Told I never did anything for myself
Told that I was spoiled and ungrateful
Told I would bring the family farm down
Told I was not good with my hands
Told I was not worthy enough
Told that I thought I was to prideful
Told that I mumbled
Told that I would never amount to anything
Told that I was abandoned
Told that I was not wanted
Told that certain people deserve better
Told that I would get let go in the end
Told that I would not be a great teacher
Told that I would never be a speaker
Told my family was not worthy
Told my family felt sorry for me
Told that I am no longer someones brother

mighty men

Where are the godly men? Where the David’s, the Paul’s, and the Isaiah of old? Where are the men who are going to shape this generation? When are we men going to rise up and take on the mission? Look at David's mighty men. We can do the same thing, because we serve the same God. I want to be might men, because I am tired of the devil kicking my butt. I am tired of the lies and the attacks. I had a picture of my brother and me sitting in a room and us being equipped with the armor of God. I picture him and me asking each other "are you ready?" Not ready for a battle, but for a war! I see us standing up and the doors being opened. I picture us standing and then walking out. Caleb, me, whoever chooses to fight are not alone. For we serve an omniscient, omnipotent, and omnipresent father. Hebrews 10:39 says "For we are not those who shrink back and are not destroyed, but those who have faith and preserve their souls." This is my prayer for my brother and the men of this country. I have a strong brother in Caleb Jon Zimmer, and i truly admire and love him. For 2 years Caleb challenged me to be a man, and to be the best. I miss him very much and i am excited for his journey. See Caleb has been hurt by many, but Caleb Zimmer does not shrink back, Caleb Zimmer is saved, and his soul is preserved! Caleb Zimmer, I know is doing just fine. I am so proud of him, and i know he is going to make echoes in this world. Caleb just step out of the water, be like the Caleb who went into the promise land with no doubt! For you are a mighty man, and you are wearing the full armor of God!

prayer support

I need prayer for wisdom, strength, finances, and continual restoration. I got presented with the opportunity to live with some of my closest friends this next school year. However, before I even get the chance to move in a would have already paid $1000 without even touching foot on U.S soil. I guess i am just scared sometimes because i quit so of my jobs to find out my true calling. I know God is all powerful but sometimes it scares me because eventually my funds will run out for paying for rent and i have no job. I cannot even apply for jobs while i am here so basically i got to make a decision about this house, and its been really testing me with rent payments and also no job. Bigger the roadblock i guess the bigger opportunity to watch God show his power! Also so far we have been talking a lot about leadership, and I have been very intrigued by it. I guess I have been really pushed to be a great leader for my family and also someday as a husband and a father. We spent two days talking about what makes a great husband, and it got me asking God to make me in the man he destined to be. I told God he can do complete surgery on me because, with Gods will i am hoping to marry a beautiful girl when i get back. I want to a man who keeps on finding new ways to keep her smiling and feeling beautiful. I have come to believe that it is very important that if your with someone, you are both dreaming together and aiming for God's heart and desires.

my dream

I want a world where kids can run the streets freely laughing. I want a world where kids dream of overcoming all obstacles. I want world that once again truly cries out for Jesus. I dream of a country where people can freely worship without being judged. I cry out for the visions of our churches to be restored. I plead for a country and world where women can truly feel beautiful and worthy without the pressures of societies. I pray for a generation of men who will fill the streets and churches praying for revival. I pray for the leaders of our nation to once again believe in the words "One Nation Under God." We serve a God who is lovely, just, and all powerful. To God be the glory, for one day he shall return and we will once again see earth shaken.
"For thus says the LORD of hosts: Yet once more, in a little while, I will shake the heavens and the earth and the sea and the dry land."

surrendering

so can i just say God restores all walls. Today we basically had an intervention for anyone to want healing. so today i went forward and everyone gathered around me. I told people that i wanted to be restored and i was getting burned out from carrying a huge load. The load was that i felt like i had to carry my siblings for the past 4 years because we were isolated because of our color. We experienced things that most people around us could not relate to so us children had to stick together. i especially felt guilty that i left abby for ywam because to her i have become her protector and best friend and i felt like i was abandoning her. I was scared that if i ever passed away who would be there to fight for them. I felt anger once again for adopting us because they set us up for persecution. But that was a lie from the devil. All a sudden people started praying for me and felt tears after tears fall out on the ground. All a sudden I felt like God said "brian i want to take this load from you, i want to be your siblings protector. He gave me an image of caleb, abby, and I and an angel was surrounding us with its wings saying you are protected. Then i got another image of my sister abby as a brand new babe, and God was the father holding her in her brand new baby blanket. All a sudden he kissed abby on the forehead and he said to me "brian i am abby's protector and i will watch over her now" All a sudden i felt God saying release them brian, release them. So one at a time i released my sister beth, then caleb, but i could not release abby. Then Jesus once again gave me the image of him holding abby, and all a sudden i got the strength and i said "lord i give you my best friend and the most precious thing i have in my life, and the holy spirit came upon me and i felt a peace that only heaven could bring. I know that caleb and abby are in my fathers care and that i can rest assure. I also forgave my parents and myself and i realized once again that my parents are my heroes! I do not have to be my siblings protector anymore because i have the Lord almighty holding my siblings in his hand. I truly believe God will use my family to touch lives throughout this world. For my family does not shrink back, and we are not destroyed. But we are the zimmers, and we are united and united we stand. We carry scars but are scars do not define us and shall not overcome us. I love you beth ann zimmer, i love you caleb jon zimmer, and i love you my beautiful sister, i love you my best friend, i love you my hero, i love you abby jo Zimmer

brokeness

this blog unlike the other ones will not be about hope and love it will be about emptiness and hate. tonight we went to the most dangerous place in Tijuana. On these streets there is drug addicts, drug dealers, prostitution, but worst off all child prostitution. We walked the streets praying for people and I saw addicts doing drugs which was disturbing. I saw women walk into hotels with men offering them sex, but the thing that wanted me to kill and destroy was the child prostitution. Picture your little brother or sister, or little child of 5-10 years of age. Then imagine how much love you have for them, and then imagine dropping them off at a hotel to get molested for years and years. This is what I saw, because I saw the children who were victims. I saw the hotel and the men who raped these boys and girls, and I had to just stand there and pray. I told myself that if i would have had a gun i would have gone in there and killed those men, because people like that deserve to burn in hell. But then i heard Jesus whisper I died for you to brian zimmer. It broke me because how can a God so perfect and so loving allow for his children to be ravaged over and over again. How could a mother or father be so desperate to sell their children to men who would rape them. Then I said God bring your wrath and justice, but i realized I to am full of sin. I too have caused wounds to my savior. I realized that God loves all people and I must forgive. This night has impacted me more than losing jon. More than any racism I have ever faced, and more than any horror i have been through. Tonight I was ashamed for complaining so much about my life here and there, because there are innocent children all over the world crying out for someone to rescue them.

continued healing!

After i shared my story the speaker asked if anyone wanted to receive more of the spirit. I have been baptized with the Holy Spirit but i felt a sense of God wanting me to receive more. I went up for prayer and the guy had the same vision of me delivering people. Oh boy was I ready to get filled with more of the Holy Spirit! As he was praying he said God wanted me to hear these words Isaiah 58:6-12, "Is this the fast that i choose: to loose the bonds of wickedness, to undo the straps of the yoke, to let the oppressed go free, and to break every yoke? Is it not to share your bread with the hungry and bring the homeless poor into your house; when you see the naked, to cover him, and not to hide yourself from your own flesh? THen shall your light break forth like the dawn, and your healing shall spring up speedily; your righteousness shall go before you; hte glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard. Then you shall call, and he will say, 'Here I am.' If you take away the yoke from your midst, the pointign of the finger, and speaking wickedness, if you pour yourself for the hungary and satisfy the desire of the afflicted, then shall your light rise in the darkness and your gloom be as the noonday. And the Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places, and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water whose waters do not fail. And your ancient ruins shall be rebuilt; you shall raise up the foundations of many generations; you shall be called the repairer of the breach, the restorer of streets to dwell in." You see i have found my calling i am to bridge the gap between cultures on a national level. Now i do not know how that is going to happen or how I am going to get there. But I serve the Almighty God and all i have to do is be obedient.I feel and have been told that i am to bring the truth about injustice to not only schools, but political offices, and churches. For you see the most segregated place is the church. There has been injustice down to races and I know God wants me to bring the justice back into these institutions. To many people feel as though we are the victims. We all our victims of some kind of sort, but we need to bridge that gap. I told God i am willing, and now i am about to step into a calling that as a little boy my parents believed I would one day due!

true peace

i am about to get real personal. My 8th grade year i received some of the most spiritual and emotional wounds of my life. We were talking about interracial marriages, and up to this point in my life i did not think anything of it. The teacher proposed the question and all a sudden people started answering the question, and some students said their parents wouldnt let them date people of color. Then another girl raised her hand and said that her grandma said she couldnt date me. See those things wouldnt be so bad and all but i was the only minority in that classroom and one of the few in the school. Little would i know that hearing those words would scar me up to well about last night. You see after that point i became semi-fearful not only of white fathers but also white women. Sure i dated here and there but i never felt safe i always felt like i had to put on a show because I already was considered less. Those scars haunted me until last night and today when i spoke about the hurt i held in my heart. Today i shared that story with my whole group and the peace of God came over me. You see i have met an amazing girl who i hope to marry someday but parts of my heart were still guarded because of fear of not being good enough. But to her and her family i am Brian Zimmer, a man who wants to find meaning in life. Through dating her I have never felt so safe with not only her but also her family. God truly blessed me because when i am with them i feel as though i am part of the family. Thats the kind of peace i want everyone of color to feel, because no one should ever have the same scars and fears that i carried for 10 years of my life. I want my brother caleb to have the same peace, i want my beautiful sister abby to be free to date anyone of different races and not be judged. Because my siblings to me are my best friends and anyone who thinks they are not worthy enough truly have not sat down with them and see the same love that i see in each of them!

deliverance!

anyone who doesn't believe in the power of prophesy and healing should have been in our lecture today! Half way through our lecture our speaker stopped and asked if anyone wanted prayer? I went forward not knowing what to expect. All a sudden he says he sees me standing in the middle with chains all around me, but he saw me carrying a huge sword and me cutting off the chains all around me! he says i am a deliverer and i am to be a deliverer for others! i believe he was right on because all my life I wondered why I went through so much trials and its all coming together, because i am going to be used by God to deliver hope in not only the classrooms but also institutions about cultural awareness. I feel as though GOd is going to have me educate people on how to give hope to cultures of students and adults who feel inferior to others! I have always wanted to speak and preach and after that prophetic word i realized my calling is becoming more and more clear. So pray that i can keep hearing and following God's voice!

Also while i was getting prayed over my leader said brian God wants to take the yoke of your shoulders! i have been carrying the load for people all my life i feel, and God told him to tell me that Jesus was going ot carry it for me! soon as i accepted that i started laughing and crying in the spirit! God is good all the time!

God's love

We were having morning worship today and God impressed something upon my heart. I had a vision of me sitting down in a crowd of people and looking down, and Jesus came walking up to me. He said " may i have this dance I want to show you something". He took me into his presence and clothed me with worthiness. He overwhelmed me with his love. I want to love the exact same way i felt when Jesus was dancing with me. That means i want to serve and bless not only my family,hillary, and friends. But also anyone i come into contact with! John 13 shows the best example of being a servant. I believe God wants all of us to feel that sense of worthiness and love. So that verse i read earlier in Genesis affirms that we should love and be loved just as Christ did and does.

in his image

Today during meditation i felt like God impressed this following verse upon my heart. "So God created man in his own image(perfect,flawless,bold,beautiful,confident,alike) in the image of God he created them(worthy,glorious) male and female he created them"(everyone) Genesis 1:27. To me it just shows me that I should be walking in confidence. In today's society it seems like we are always trying to find the new fashion trends or wondering what people might think. People struggle with feeling worthy and beautiful. Well all those fears are lies from the devil, for Genesis say we are all created by God therefore let us feel worthy, and take confidence in the cross and love of God. Walk boldly for the kingdom of God, for we are children and co-laborers.

fathers day

Today is father's day as many of you know, but today i am well quite far away from my dad. I know in proverbs it talks highly about respecting your fathers and also that fathers should train the children the right way. Today i miss Randy Zimmer, because over the years he has not only become a great dad,leader, but also a great friend! When i was younger i just viewed him as someone who loves me, but we didnt always see eye to eye, but God changes all things for those who seek him. Over the past couple years God has developed our relationship into something special. I remember a couple times i texted him saying I want my kids to be just like him and he always said "no you dont" but see my dad is a humble man as many of you know but he is also a godly man. Every sunday when i am home i look over at him and i often see him praising God with all his heart. That passion is the same passion i want for my life and anyone i bless. For 22 years he prayed that i would dream and become the man of God he always saw me becoming. Well daddy i am here in YWAM and i think your prayers are getting answered. I love you daddy they say i have a biological dad which is true, but to me Randy Zimmer your the one and only true dad.

children of promise

God has always wanted to talk to his children in Christ. I am starting to realize how much God has been wanting to dream with me! God is putting on my heart children at risk. But i think of them as children of promise. Because each child of God has the potential to impact the world no matter their background! I mean take my siblings and I. My parents had a heart to adopt four african americans, and I love them for that. Well i feel as though God wants me to take that love and hope and pour out my love to each child I come across. When we take the time to love one another we start to realize that God's heart is being touched. For God commanded us to love one another! Well i can see myself in missions, but i do no what that will look like, but right now its ok. Because my heavenly father is taking me on a adventure to seek out his heart! Pray for me that I can continue to impact a generation. Also pray for my sister abby, because I feel as though abby is going to become a leader. I been praying and everyone time I pray for her I get tears of joy, because she knows how to touch hearts with her beautiful smile. Pray also for my YWAM team that we may carry God's love to tijuana and beyond

MEXICO

today was an experience! We all went to a house to watch mexico play in the world cup, and let me tell ya that was an experience. I have no clue what half the people were saying but it was still fun just fellowshipping with brothers and sisters in Christ. We then went downtown to a museum, but on the way there are van broke! so us 4 guys are pushing a van in the busiest street. It was great because the whole town of mexico came out and started cheering MEXICO and of course we all joined in! I feel as though God is giving me a cultural experience of a lifetime. I am finding myself becoming more bold and also more outgoing.

New YWAM family

I am finally home! All my life i never truly felt like i was accepted. I always felt like i wasn't good enough. My siblings and I have overcome a lot of obstacles when it comes to the issues of race. However, my new friends in YWAM see no color, instead they see brian Zimmer a friend who wants to experience God. Here we fellowship and act like there is no concerns in the world. We worship, laugh, hangout, and just enjoy friendship. Tonight we went to Starbucks and i haven't felt this accepted in a long time. I am not saying i am not accepted back home but here all my friends are of different races! We all have shared our horror stories, but we also have been sharing how we must all unite as one. God has been doing so much healing already through my YWAM Family, and i love it. I still miss my siblings, parents, friends, and of course hillary! But for the next 5 months these people here our the ones who are going to impact me, and we our going to impact a generation with God's help! It is so powerful worshiping here with everyone. When we all come together and worship in our native tongue it is like a little bit of heaven. For when we get to heaven we will here worship from all different countries!

quiet time

quiet time

Quiet time

1. Meet with him.

-designate a time in your spirit when you’re going to meet him.

-establish a quiet place (be intentional)

2. Quiet your spirit (psalms 46:20)

3. Don’t show up to do something; show up to be there.

-it’s like a dating relationship or marriage, your there to get to know your heavenly daddy.

--turn concerns into a conversation

4. Look for God in your day

-ask him to show his presence throughout the day

-take note of thing

5. Make his word your best friend

“God sees exactly what happened, we are not to act. For God will act when ready”

6. Anticipate a journey. (Psalms 111:6)

earthquakes

today last night i experienced my first earthquake, granted it wasn't a huge one. But it reminded me life can be full of little earthquakes. We need to love the little thing in life. That way God can entrust with us the big things. Sometimes we look for the big things, but in the little things ones miracle can be found. Today we had more testimonies, and there have been some powerful ones. I experienced the lost of my best friend, but hearing my friends testimonies realized my life hasn't been that bad. I found myself saying Lord if i am going to be experiencing more little earthquakes, teach me to see your glory through them.

testimony day

today each student was asked to share his or hers testimony. I always look forward to hearing what God does in others and how peoples trials are not always different from mine. God promises us that we will receive power when the holy spirit falls on us! Today the holy spirit did just that! I was able to speak about Gods power and grace. I talked about growing up struggling with racism and isolation. I also talked about the loss of jon, and how God used his death to bring healing to me and my family. I started sharing about my family and when i got to talking about my little sister abby i broke into tears. For Abby Zimmer is my hero and role model. "Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity" Abby has done just that for me through her prayers and belief that one day her brother would truly find God and take risks. Well her prayers are getting answered and praise be to God! Through her i realized that people are always watching me, and that I need to live a lifestyle that most resembles Christ! Christ said "be holy, because I am holy"

Provisions!

Well before I even arrived God was already providing! Someone on the plane next to me asked me why i was going to San Diego, and so i told him. Someone behind me must have heard i was going on a missions trip, because when i was sleeping i felt a tap on my shoulder from behind and someone wrote me a letter with a bunch of verses about peace and God's provisions. It just shows how amazing a gracious God is. SO far my group is awesome and my leader has the same passions that i do! I am still missing home a little but I know if God is for me who can be against me! Also I always wanted to learn spanish because i knew that it would help me in the classroom. So what does God do? I am assigned with two roommates and neither of them speaks english well. so i am teaching them english and they are teaching me spanish!

We Shall Overcome

Acts 1:8 but you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you; and you shall be My witnesses both in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and even to the remotest part of the earth." This is the God's hope for everyone of us that we would proclaim the goodness of Christ wherever we go! I will not be going alone for I will have the power of the Holy Spirit empowering me to overcome my weaknesses."For I can do all things through Christ who Strengthens Me" Philippians 4:13. The devil has no claim to my life nor my mind, I don't have time for his schemes. By Gods grace and mercy a perfect God has rescued a imperfect child, and I finally am realizing why God allowed me to face so many trials. Trials of adoption, racism, depression, and death of Jonathon Mark Bonnema. But through God's amazing power those are all testimonies of overcoming!

"I Can Do All Things Through Christ Who Strengthens Me"

Philippians 4:13

June 2

I am cannot believe that about a week from now I will be on my way to Tijuana, Mexico for about 5 months. Ever since I got my acceptance letter from YWAM I have had a lot of mixed emotions, but through it all God has remained faithful! I invite you all to come along with me on this journey as I prepare for a honeymoon with God!