into your hands i commit my spirit

Father, sometimes I just wish I hear you call me your beloved. Today I feel as though getting out of bed is impossible; for my heart feels no peace. Father I know you love me but right now I feel as though nothing will comfort my your child. Must I go through today alone feeling as if I wont experience peace. Father you know that the words I said were true and you know I understand. I understand that I must go through this desert alone, and I will admit I tried running away from the desert. I wanted others to help and save me. I wanted someone to come to my rescue but instead you pulled that away from me. It is like I was holding onto the edge and you came and said let go. Father I let go and I am falling I am falling on my back looking up. I see that cliff and I see the sky, and my question is when will you catch me? Will I harden my heart? Will I push everything I love away? Father right now I feel as though my heart loves nothing anymore. Why must I be stripped everything I love dear? Father I came all the way here can that not be enough. What do you want from me? How long must I sit and ponder this pain and isolation. Father I know you are the refiner and I know you are the potter and I am the clay. Father please rescue me, and please remember my sacrifices and not my iniquities. I am sorry I haven’t always seeked you. I am sorry I am not always aware of your presence. I am sorry that many times I have used others as my way to cope with life. Father you know who I love and you know my future ambitions. But dear heavenly father if those are not your wishes I understand. I understand you want to use me and hold me. Father into your hands I commit my life and spirit.