i want life

I find myself feeling questioning a lot of things in my life. It is almost like I am looking back at life and wondering what happened? I almost wish i could put a pause button on life and say God wait i am not ready. I find myself going back to situations where I wish i could have done that or done this but it is to late. I do not know why i am looking back, maybe because life seemed so much easier. Maybe because i was oblivious to what was going on. I should be looking forward to new life when I get back, but for some reason I am not. I feel as though i am not ready to start living the life i was blessed with. Maybe because i am scared i will never do what I am called to do, or that i will end up failing the ones I love. Truly i wish i could warn people to never take ones younger years of life for granted. There is so much potential to bear good fruit when one is a youth. I am 23 years old and i am here questioning what have i done to impact lives? What have I done for the kingdom of God? Truthfully i do not know but i know i am still breathing and still have life. I am tired of looking back at what if and I am tired of not taking up my cross daily. I am blessed and have been blessed by many people throughout my life. I've been blessed by young and old, by those living and those who are dancing with Jesus. I have been blessed my mentors, a father and mother. I have been face down weeping to God and I've been standing on the mountainside worshiping my maker. I often forget that when Christ was on the cross bloody and beaten; it was Jesus who still loved me. When people fail,mock, and hurt me; it is Jesus who says "I love you just as you are" and many times I stand there with no emotions at all. This breath i was given is a gift from God, and i want my breath to have life. I want to breathe in the presence of God. I want to be used to breathe life into a generation of impactors and I want to be among those standing at his throne in awe of his power.