strength

I have spent the last week up in the mountains with indigenous people, and it was a struggle. I thought it is just another outreach location but I was wrong. For in Huesteca there is not internet and there is no cell phone service. To many it might not be a big deal but to me it was harder than I thought. I found out quickly that I forgot my love for God, and God was interested in bringing me back. Up to this point I have been quite miserable on this DTS. I thought it is different, and I thought I would be used to preach God’s good news. I thought that God would bless me and needed to bless me because I left everything. However, that is not how God works at all. First off God owes me nothing. In fact I owe him my life because of what his Son did for me. I chose to leave everything behind and that was my choice. Actually God calls us to take up our cross and follow him. I had and have the chance to sit back and be comfortable and that be normal in society. But I forgot whose society and whose world this truly is. This kingdom belongs to our Heavenly Father and I had forgotten that for us our called to live as his disciples. By coming here I forgotten that I said God shake me up because I am tired of being comfortable, and well if you ask God something he will do it. While here I thought I be working with youth and be standing behind the pulpit more, but what did God do? Instead he has had us work more with little kids and has allowed me to work more with cleaning and hospitality. See I forgot that my plans are not always what God designs for me! “God says, for his ways our higher than our ways.” I also found myself alone and had my first nervous breakdown since I can remember. I did not understand why I was feeling this and someone here asked me, “whose voice do you desire more to hear in the morning or throughout the day?” At one point it was God’s but lately it has been people most close to me. See the longer I have been in the spiritual desert here I have not gone to Go first but others. To put it simple I had other idols in my life. God was no longer someone I desired and I found myself using this spiritual desert excuse more often. But we serve an all sufficient and all-knowing God. I have a chance until October 23 to get things right with God. Because when I return I want to me the future husband, the strong brother, great friend, and the leader I know God has called me to be. I do not want to take things from people in order for myself to feel great. I am already great because I am created in the perfect image of God. I just read a devotional and realized I cannot become the strong leader I am if I cannot learn to do things on my own and trust solely in God. I mean it is ok to need affirmation but if I were to never be affirmed again by others would God’s word be enough to me? If God were to take everything away from me would I still trust in him and think he is fair and just. Now that is a hard question to task because no one wants things to be ripped away, but we forget we serve a jealous God and God wants to be pursued to! The Bible says we should have no other God’s before him! I do not want God to start taking away things in order to get my attention, but rather I want him to bless the things he has given me because everything belongs to him. Now I ask you what God wants you to lie down. What has become your source of strength? Would you be heartbroken if God asked you to lay it down and submit it? Would you trust that he give you something better and has the best for you? These are the questions I had to ponder and I know they are not easy. But God will never give us anything we cannot handle!